Sharron Goodyear – Personal Branding Photographer and Success Coach

ONE AMAZING LIFE LESSON THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

If I asked you what has been your biggest life lesson, what would be your answer? Would it be a learning about yourself or others? Would you look kindly on ‘your biggest lesson’ because it somehow lead you on a different path. A path of enlightenment which allowed you to live a better life?

Reflecting back over my life as I sometimes do, I wonder about all the decisions I made that got me to this very point. As I sit here at my desk in the quiet with only the sound of the keyboard tapping as I type, I imagine what life might have been like had I simply made a different set of choices. Each choice we make brings with it a different outcome, which leads to meeting a different group of people, varying experiences and new lessons. 

MY BIGGEST LIFE LESSON

One of the most important things that I have learned on my self-development journey, is that my biggest lesson in life came from possibly one of my greatest mistakes.

Put simply, my biggest mistake was looking to others to give me happiness rather than finding it inside of myself. Believing that I needed someone else to be my missing puzzle piece in order for me to feel ‘complete.’

This is of course not uncommon. We all look to others, from our partners to our friends to help us feel good particularly if we’re going through struggles. However, there is also the danger that if we rely on others to make us happy and our needs are somehow not met, then we are left feeling unfulfilled.

When I realised I needed to look inward for true happiness, it became the one amazing life lesson that changed everything.

THE PROBLEM WITH EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE

Being dependent on people, particularly those close to you is part of life and we all need a support network of some description. However, being ’emotionally dependent’ on our spouse or friends is a different matter. By being emotionally dependent on someone else, we are putting our happiness in their hands. This can lead to disappointment or create an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship between the two people involved.

If the person we are dependent on is suddenly no longer around or available, we will find ourselves in a precarious position as a result. Happiness received only through others is unreliable. We need to find it within ourselves in order to be truly happy.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that if they could just meet ‘the one’, it would be the answer to all their problems. That they will finally be truly happy and feel whole. However, when two people share a partnership with no boundaries, this can quickly turn into possessiveness, neediness, jealousy and feelings of being suffocated within the relationship.

If you think of such a relationship in terms of energy flow, either one or both of the people involved may constantly be taking the energy from the other rather than fuelling it. The more one or both depend on the other for their happiness, the more that energy flow will likely deplete rather than replenish and they forget who they are independently and lose their sense of self. 

WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE

A healthy relationship contains two ‘whole’ people who live within their own emotional space but who choose to do life together. They share their lives, experiences and have trust, along with a healthy love and respect for one another. They look forward together rather than purely at each other and focus instead on what they can build.

Sharing a bed together is much like a metaphor for sharing a life. It may feel wonderful and romantic at first to lay wrapped in each others arms but it’s not sustainable. After a while we start to get hot and feel a bit claustrophobic with a need for our own space in order to get a good night’s sleep.

Being so intertwined in life is also not sustainable. Whilst the desire to share our lives with someone remains, we also need breathing space within our relationships to be ourselves and explore our interests.

Whilst there is something intoxicating about the first flushes of love, such powerful feelings can bring out a desire to want to bottle and possess these emotions and the person associated with them. But a healthy relationship is built and creates the oxygen that is needed for each person to be able to breathe within it. Facing in the same direction means sharing similar values and beliefs but with the ability to think independently.

When we have learned to love ourselves, we experience much more fulfilling relationships as a result. We are more confident and our energy is light and powerful. This makes us much more attractive both as partners and in friendship. It means we are capable of making our own decisions without the constant need for approval from others. When two ‘whole’ people meet, they vibrate at a higher frequency together and energise each other as a result.

HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB

When we grasp that happiness is ultimately an inside job, it changes everything. This is because, when we love and heal on the inside, we begin to recognise what is not working for us on the outside. It gives us the courage to surround ourselves only with the people who enhance that love and who make us feel good. We can make the choice to move away from any external negative energy and towards connections that feed our soul instead.

Learning to like and love ourselves is a great step forward in our emotional evolution. It positively affects not only the relationship we have internally but also with those around us too. Taking a birdseye view of these relationships helps us establish where our happiness barometer within them is at.

Do we have a relationship that needs a health check? Before we look to blame others for any shortfalls, we should first look inward and decipher what part we are playing in these relationships. Are we making the mistake of looking to them for our happiness without even realising? By asking these questions, we can start to reframe how we see them and what changes if any need to be made.

I’ve learned that when you accept and love yourself, even if it’s always work in progress, it shifts your view of the outside world in the most positive of ways. Having a sense of purpose in life is also a key ingredient in feeling fulfilment and happiness. Our purpose does not need to be grand and bold necessarily. Our purpose may simply to be there for those we love. But by taking ownership of our happiness we restore an ability to live our fullest lives…

What’s the biggest life lesson you’ve learned? Do you agree that happiness comes from within?